as a semester winds down

Another 6 hours are behind me now. An A in an IT class, and it looks like I've pulled a B out of my org behavior class. I have never worked so hard for a B in my entire life.

I've been on again and off again about taking classes in the spring. I've felt burned out again, it seems to take so little nowadays. I have been at time both frustrated, and confused, as to which direction to take my life. We won't even go into the feelings I've had about why am I even still trying.

Suffice to say, it's been a rough semester. But I'll go back. I've developed a sort of clarity all of a sudden, an ease.

Something happened last friday. I don't know why, or how, but something deep inside me changed.

usually..
My head is a busy chattering place. Emotions, feelings, ideas, whizzing back and forth in constant movement.

I feel...
Pressed for time
I feel... stressed, unhappy
Always finding something to be unhappy about.
Things, irritating me at every turn.

But late friday this started..

It's like, I don't care
But that's not right, because I still do.
but... it's like things feel at ease in my head
my conscience, my life... not quite relaxation..
But close, as if some giant tight wound clockwork spring has finally run down. Almost a kind of a limp emptiness.

A kind of almost contentment, acceptance, maybe. But more like a sort of clarity, focus, but not the busy, hyper-focus I usually have. There is a kind of muscle tiredness about it, a small sigh, but then a relaxed release of it, of the, maybe baggage is the right word to use here.

In many way it's so very freaking weird to feel this way after so long.
No anxiety, no weirdness, no stress.
No hyper-focus, or chatty thoughts.

Just, kind of...
here...

and feeling...
weird...

But almost, nearly, content, okay.
Almost as if I somehow, found a center inside myself. And for once, everything has nudged in line and I'm, balanced.

I hope this feeling..
this... balance...
can last