life continues

One class down over the summer. One CLEP exam taken and passed. Two more classes started. The semester is just a week along and I already feel lost and behind. This does not bode well. Work, continues to be a bear. My personal life, rocky.

I find it increasingly hard to focus on things. To hold all the bits of this life together. To make progress.

It feels like there is a something big looming over my head, resting on my shoulders. Something waiting to bear down and crush me like a bug.

Focus. The watchword. Focus. Something that in the past I've proven myself cable of great, sharp, pinpoint focus. Focus. Things blur, are indistinct, shimmering in the summer heat. I cast about, grasping for purporse, result, reason.

I find myself at times ready to shift the entire lot of my life into the bin. Chuck it and walk away to find a sandy dune on a beach. To sit, baking in the sun. Ears, mind, numb by the sound of the ocean. Lungs full of the salty sea air while the cries of gulls echo along the beach.

Through this all life continues. The clock turns 'round the face twice. I show up at work another day. I try to make progress in class, at home. I... exist.

Life continues. As it must, as it shall.